3: The Tyranny of Perfection

Embracing what's human in Public Speaking

Perfection is a tyranny. I know a few perfectionists. They would be the first to admit it's a cruel value to be addicted to. It’s sometimes explained as a drive for the best possible, but if the end result is unattainable then it’s not a “drive”, it’s Sisyphean torture. A drive would suggest a process, a movement towards a goal.

In nature, and in the physical world there is no such thing as perfection. It only exists, perhaps, in theoretical math. It’s an abstract. You wouldn’t trust an impeccable five star rating on amazon or for a restaurant - and perhaps would judge a four star, that handled complaints well, as being the more reliable selection.

However, it’s fair that you want to be as effective and engaging as possible because you care about communicating what you know, for the benefit of those you are talking to. Public speaking is better understood as an act of service, not a test or a trial. You have been placed there to present to others by your peers. You are automatically the person the audience knows they are there to listen to. Or even simpler: You have been accepted by the audience because they are all in front of you  - and they are ready to listen because you are in front of them. This dynamic is as old as human meetings are.

Think about your favorite teacher. Did you enjoy the subject they taught? Do you still remember some of the things you learned from them? How did they make you feel? Inspired? Intelligent? Curious? In Awe? I bet you don’t remember when they flubbed a word, made an error they then needed to correct, or admitted when they didn’t know something for sure.

The truth is that the more you recognize that public speaking is about them the less you will  worry about you.

If you allow your interest in the subject to come through, you will engage them. If you care about giving them the takeaways they need, this becomes the metric to measure your presentation by - instead of whether you blushed when you first started speaking, or tripped on a word, advanced a slide too early and so on…

The reason why you remembered things your favorite teacher taught you is because of how they made you feel. Neurological studies have shown that emotions help information stick. So being a confident speaker is as much about allowing your interest in the subject to infect your audience to the degree to which each member is capable.

I say “each member is capable”, because you are not responsible what what they bring to the table. Maybe some of your audience members are tired from sleep training a puppy, or a double shift. Perhaps they are thinking of changing jobs. Whatever they bring you have no control over. No one gets to blame you for how they show up, and any judgment cannot be based on anything like a full accounting of everything you are as a human being or a professional.

Before I went to RADA I was a trained dancer. One of my first jobs was in the musical “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers”. As part of their community outreach they had organised giving the performance to the inmates of one of Britain’s highest security prisons, in Dartmoor.

We were shown to the small prison stage first, as there was only one entrance in and out of the room at one end. Then the inmates were seated as we waited behind the wings. There was a fair amount of chatter, and after a nanosecond of the opening sequence all hell broke loose as the inmates started yelling out obscenities at all of us - as we danced and sang in front of them. We asked to stop, but were told to go on as it would be hard to calm the inmates down and get them out before us.

Then we heard a loud voice from one of the inmates at the front, who stood up, turned around and faced the audience. The room went quiet. He told his audience in no uncertain terms that they should shut up and allow him to enjoy the performance. He turned back towards the stage, nodded that we should continue and sat down.

I can safely say that my emotions on that day have solidified that memory.

You see, there’s a limit to what control you have over an audience, and I am willing to bet that you will never need the backing of an alpha inmate to scare your audience into submission. Your audience has chosen to listen to you. Even if it’s part of their work it remains they chose that work. Their willingness and capability to attend properly is their responsibility, not yours.

After that bracing story here’s an exercise that will help regulate your breath and begin to warm up and clear your vocal chords.

You will need to find yourself a regular straw. I’ll wait.

Place your hands on your sides on your lower rib cage. (Back of your hands might be easier). When you breathe in, imagine filling that part of your ribcage first, as if there is an upside-down balloon being blown up with air coming down from your mouth.

Now put the straw in your mouth and release on a long hum, whilst blowing the air from the hum through the straw. See if you can make your lips tingle where they meet the straw. You can do this a few times, varying the pitch - and notice how a really low pitch can clear congestion in your throat, and high pitches can loosen congestion in your sinuses. It also helps calm you and bring you into a more relaxed state. Handy.

Give that a go and notice any change in how you feel. If you feel you need more 1 on 1 coaching head over to this quiz so we can tailor a plan just for you.