5: Past Failures are lessons and not a curse.

Failure. Errors of judgment. Letting people down. These are the things that are considered by many to be the track record against which one can judge future competence. While patterns may exist, I believe that recognizing these patterns as an opportunity to learn and iterate is the route to mastery. Those who fear public speaking are often their own harshest critics, convinced that their fears and patterns are unchangeable.

In this post I will argue that failure is part of a cycle of learning, not debilitating curse. Further, that there is even merit to be found in failure. That change itself is much more determined by the human ability to adopt new perspectives and choose better behaviors. In contrast, that anticipation of failure can create the very conditions that make failure more likely.

Instead of leaving the usual exercise until the end, let's try something now that will illustrate the point in a real and practical way.

Say this phrase five times at a decent speed, without stumbling:

“Sixty sticky Swiss wristwatches”

“Sixty sticky Swiss wristwatches”

“Sixty sticky Swiss wristwatches”

“Sixty sticky Swiss wristwatches”

“Sixty sticky Swiss wristwatches”

You probably stumbled.

Note that just because you made errors, it doesn’t predict with 100% accuracy that you will make the same error again. I am also willing to bet that if you focussed  on the error and tried not to repeat it is more likely that you made an error there or somewhere else. Give that a shot to see what happens.

Now, I want you to try something else. I want you to repeat the tongue twister but say it with an entirely loose and floppy tongue and loose lips and jaw - as if you had just been to the dentist. Do it twice this way and then straight away say the tongue twister normally a couple of times.

You may notice how much easier it is to flow through the tongue twister. You may also note how a return of tension and self observation brings the errors back.

So here’s something else you can add to the exercise: Choose what syllable or part of a word you are going to lean into - and fix that as your goal to get to. For instance - say the tongue twister heading for the syllable I have highlighted in bold:

“Sixty sticky Swiss wristwatches”

This follows the principle that when your mind is focussed on a target, the rest loses the dreaded lens of self awareness. You relaxed elsewhere in the sentence because what you were focussed on, dominated your attention.

Whether or not you have watched the single minded focus of a baby first learning to walk, falling again and again in the process, you can consider this attitude as one you were born with.

Incidentally this is something that applies to all situations where you risk being derailed by your own self awareness. In a social context this can mean focussing more on the other person and being more interested in them. In Public speaking it can mean focusing on the audience’s benefit to hear what you have to share.

But what if you believe you have a track record of failure?

It’s common to meet someone who insists they are no good at something because of past failures. I knew someone who believed he had no sense of rhythm because his wife found them consistently out of step while dancing rock and roll. Many years later, I discovered that American and English styles land on different counts. Both were correct based on their learning. However, his belief that he had no rhythm became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Overfocused on his rhythm, he second-guessed himself into repeated mistakes.

Fear increases stress, which leads to more errors, creating a vicious cycle. If you fear and judge yourself for making mistakes while learning to play an instrument, you will continue to make errors, reinforcing your fear.

Who sets this rule? You do. You make a prediction which is by its nature an act of imagination, which you cannot know is true. Instead, you replace the possibility of development as if an event in the past was the final word... a fixed sentence.

What’s the solution?

Acknowledge the more accurate view that failure is part of a cycle of improvement, iteration and achievement.

Return to first principles and focus only on what is within your control—what you know in the here and now. Learning from the past is within your control. If the evidence suggests the challenge to be vocal, seek a vocal coach. If it’s mindset and physiological, consult a hypnotherapist. If it’s feeling underprepared, learn how to make your preparation time more efficient and prioritized. You are capable of developing new habits of mind and behavior that work for you. How do I know? Because you have already developed habits that don’t work for you. Habits are formed through repetition despite discomfort. This is as true for cleaning your teeth as it is for making a better habit in how you approach to your fears.

By focusing on what you can control and embracing the possibility of change with a learners mindset, you can transform your fear of failure in public speaking into a strength.

If you feel you need more 1 on 1 coaching head over to this quiz so we can tailor a plan just for you.